Yesterday I had a session with my mentor, teacher, and spiritual guide of 25 years. It was profound, and I honestly can’t wait to tell you about it. But first, let me share a lesson I learned that has come full circle.
If you have ever heard me speak of my one true mentor, Henri would be him. I’ve made reference to him in blogs or workshops at different times. He was not and still isn’t my “Guru,” though.
He taught me within the first three months of working together never to put him on a Guru pedestal because it means I would be giving up my true power. He said, “besides, even if it strokes my ego for a bit, it will ALWAYS come crashing down at some point anyway.” Eventually, it would crumble, because we are both seeking truth. So whether I would kick it out (inevitable if I had the intention to own my power instead of giving it to him) or he’d stepped down (to claim a greater truth and free himself of my expectations) it was doomed to fall.
Many of the lessons that came through him came from trying situations. There were so very many huge lessons over the years – one, in particular, was integrity (i.e., having our actions mirror our words and intentions). The teaching of integrity came through some actions I witnessed that were – in my opinion – out of integrity.
It was during one particular process in a three-day intensive workshop he was leading in 1997. As much as I didn’t have the knowledge and skill set he did, I had a lifetime (thanks to my mother) of transcendent meditation, so my inner gauge (my felt sense) was very aligned and in-tune.
Ya, sure – I still had some inner seeds of hierarchy about him being my “teacher,” but it didn’t compare to the trust I had in my felt sense. I trusted my inner authority, and at the same time, I had a hard time standing up and giving it a voice. I was tuned in to my innate understanding and intuition when something was “off” but didn’t always know how to express it.
Anyway – even if I could not articulate it, I knew the process I had just witnessed was so not right – there was something out of alignment.
I have always held integrity and truth close to my heart, and I was feeling angry about the process I just witnessed. I was mad at him as the leader for leading it. It reminded me of the quote from Spider-man – “with great power comes great responsibility.” I wondered how he could – in this “position” show up like that (i.e., my seed of hierarchy and judgment). Of course, I didn’t say anything because I had battled with the distance between what I felt and knew and how to put a voice to it in certain situations.
He called a break right after the process. I sat fuming the whole time. But then he came back in and laid it all out. He owned the entire thing right there in front of everyone. He admitted he was seeing the whole situation through his wounded lens and not truth. He made amends.
At that single moment, I knew what integrity was because it washed over me like a wave. It wiped clean every tinge of anger I had been feeling. To stand for truth in the face of a potential bruised ego, shame, or embarrassment was integrity in action. Henri didn’t get swallowed by pride, and he did the “right thing” for the right reason. It profoundly touched my heart. Even with his flaws, he indeed was a leader who leads by example.
On the other hand, I just had an interaction with a different “teacher” who I recently worked with (2018/2019) who’s actions don’t match what he presents to his community. I misjudged who he was. Well, in truth, it was revealed pretty soon on, but I disregarded what I saw. I made excuses. I said things to myself like, “oh, maybe he is just getting old” or other random apologies for his shadowy behaviour because it didn’t match the public persona — big lesson.
I had already committed this year to invest in the people who’s actions match what they say because quite frankly, talk is cheap and the proof is always in the pudding.
We either preach the path or walk the path. I have always been one for “being” the change we wish to see in the world. I remember at different times, sharing the stage with colleagues as we received certificates and listened to them say, “my dharma is to be a teacher (i.e., Guru).” I could never quite relate because I always felt my dharma was to be an embodiment. To be a walking example of what I share and hold dear.
It was no wonder when I made such a huge commitment and intention to myself for 2020. Which was to invest in those who’s actions are aligned with who they say they are and that creation would bring me one more opportunity or example to learn from. It was like – OK, let’s see how clear your commitment is. Try this on for size. Kind of like the saying, when you ask for patience, you aren’t given peace, you are given situations to practice patience.
I’m so thankful for that interaction with my recent “teacher”. It was such a vast completion and graduation from a pattern of over-investing in people who don’t walk their talk. This year is about co-creation and true partnerships. You know the kind of ones where each of you takes responsibility to fill the cup and take ownership of yourself. Relationships (whether business or intimate) take two people investing 100% each in the whole.
People reveal who they are by their consistent actions. Don’t disregard your felt sense. Be done with making excuses for others. It is time to move toward becoming unapologetically true to you.
What is in the way for that to happen? For me, it was removing certain people whose actions aren’t aligned with their words.
What is yours?
With appreciation and gratitude for you,
Keli Carpenter
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Photo by Ashes Sitoula on Unsplash
