This was a challenging week.
I signed up for a course to help me step into more of my voice. This is another layer of reclaiming parts of me—a personal journey I’ve been on my entire life, especially these last couple of years. This course is based on radical honesty.
In general, I already feel confident about my relationship with honesty; I’ve spent years becoming unapologetically me, which requires a radical approach to being honest with myself and redefining and breaking through old, limited conditioning and patterns.
I rarely have difficulty speaking to people one-on-one or in small groups, but I often feel stuck or off-center when speaking with larger groups which is one of the reasons I joined this course. I wanted to put myself in a position where I had to speak vulnerably in a larger group.
I got my chance to do that and then some.
In my sharing this week, the course leader essentially negated everything I was feeling and sharing and proceeded to instead tell me what I was feeling—according to her. She not only insulted me and invalidated me but also overstepped her position of leadership. She told one woman (keep in mind this was a paying student) who was already feeling angry with the workshop structure, “I imagine I don’t want you here in my course.”
Now, everything she said was in the name of honesty, but I feel her approach that day was a total misuse of power (which the world is full of and is quick to justify). While it’s critical to be honest, as a leader, it’s equally critical to know how to properly validate a client’s experience, keep your own agenda aside, and know what to share and when.
This experience triggered me. Therapeutic modalities like this (and the people that lead them) are meant to create a safe place for people to share their most vulnerable, hurt, and wounded parts in a healthy way. When the type of experience mentioned above happens, it very much goes against that entire premise. It could cause more damage to clients, decreasing their sense of trust and safety and leading to increased self-doubt, shame, embarrassment, etc.
But, this was really great for me.
I’m adamant that life is your teacher. So, given this opportunity, what was I going to do? Namely, I did what I teach others to do in my Become Unapologetically You program (specifically, a somatic, self-inquiry process that I developed) when they feel emotionally triggered. What I unraveled was a five-year-old child-self that felt hurt and not good enough because her mom misused her power. I would take on things that weren’t mine as a result of this power over me. I was then able to give this child-self what she had actually needed (and not received) and integrate this part of me. We all have these parts of us—these wounded, unintegrated aspects of self—and it is so crucial that we’re properly supported and held to heal and integrate them.
This didn’t happen in that class.
Ultimately, however, this week helped me stand even more firmly in my own inner autonomy, empowerment, and knowledge that I am enough. It also helped me appreciate how I work with and guide people to see themselves on a daily basis.
Here is a brief overview of the steps for my Somatic Inquiry Process:
- Turn towards the emotion that is present—Ask yourself, “What emotion am I feeling right now?”
- Locate it in the body—Ask yourself, “Where in my body are experiencing this emotion?”
- Notice the underlying emotions—Ask yourself, “What emotions are in the center of that first emotion?”
- Unveil the narrative in the center of it all—Ask yourself, “What thoughts, beliefs, or meaning do I notice at the heart of this experience?”
- Reframe the meaning—Ask yourself, “What is truer than that thought, belief, or meaning?”
- Acknowledge yourself—Ask yourself, “What is it that I truly need right now?”
- Lovingly support yourself—Ask yourself, “How can I meet this need? What actions can I do to meet this need?”
- Receive the gifts—Notice what opens up as a result of this loving act of kindness towards Becoming Unapologetically YOU
If you find yourself dealing with difficult emotions or triggers, I encourage you to try this process out yourself, as this can be a potent tool on its own. That said, I also know how hard it can be to implement new practices by yourself, so if you feel like you’d like some support and guidance, I’d be happy to help you. Feel free to connect me HERE.
